This is not for the faint hearted. However, it is self-serving. Enter at your peril.
Going to be a Head of Department the first time was marred by many things. I came as a new broom, employed to shake things up and lead the change I had identified as being needed when I went to interview. I started doing everything all at once. But there was resistance from a member of staff that needed work, and I failed to carry her. I had to work against her after she decided that I was the enemy. My ex-colleagues forgot that. Both my subsequent bosses forgot, or didn't believe it, but I am implacable and I do not make an easy enemy. Even when I am beaten I will come back and fight on. And on. And on. Even in leaving I won.
Two years of hard fight and there were more in the offing. I had a child. I could not fight as I used to. No longer could I ride at the head of the charge, I was being pulled by a higher calling. Not without regrets at the job unfinished, the promise undelivered, the battle still fought, I left and returned to a safer environment. But I was different. I had helped a colleague leave the profession. I had fought a battle and I had emerged victorious but at the cost of any friendship. I threatened my old and future Head by my very presence. I had removed a non-hacker. He had become that non-hacker and knew it. I did not.
He struck first. But I struck back, in a way that he did not expect. Because I am implacable. I outlasted but I did not win. Nor did he. Then came a new contender. I opened, when I should have shut, and I paid the price. But lack of experience failed to destroy me. But I left and they outlasted. I do not regret this in the final analysis. I regret my desire to stay on good terms. I regret my lack of courage. I regret the shortness of my leaving speech and the equivocal nature of it. But I do not regret leaving. The job had changed. No longer about our charges but about numbers. And I can make stats march and dance to my bidding. When people challenge my stats something is wrong. And it's not my stats.
So I am happy. Because I have won. It is not perfect. There are issues, there is low level shiz that I am not used to having to deal with, but there is personality and there is compassion. There is understanding. There is quality. And I am not misunderstood. I am understood. I am understood. I am understood. So I am not afraid.