Smokey Bacon and Banana

In the deep dark reaches of time there was a legend of a brew so mental and odd-tasting that one would have to try it just to see if it lived up to the billing. Spoken about in only whispers, passed by word of mouth, a brew that would taste of bacon because that was what the internet craved above all else, that and excluding people that don't eat pork, but mainly bacon. And then, one day, I happened to be travelling through the furthest reaches of the local bottle shop down the road from where I live and stumbled upon it, the bottle that would potentially rock my world, Smokey Bacon and Banana by Mad Hatter who were clearly living up (down?) to the their name when they conceived of this rather odd selection of tastes. Obviously I had to grease the proprietor's palm with me plastic for to own such a bauble and then to taste it when the opportunity presented itself.

Which opportunity did when my father was round to see us and I could coerce him into trying it with me because it was so totally strange. Thus, clad only in our clothes and lit only by the glowing orb burning down from the blue dome (it's the sun) we did open the bottle and partake of the strange contents therein. Would you like to know more?

"Old Crafty Hen"

This was actually a Christmas present (I know, I know, there's been so many lovely ales though) and so it feels like I ought to try some and there is the ever-present memory of the cold of winter meaning that I'm going to enjoy the strength a little. Mainly I'm casting about for an excuse and finding as many as I would like to find. Because, tonight, I shall be reviewing the rather strangely titled "Old Crafty Hen", I say strangely because the speech marks are right there on the bottle, by Morland Brewing and that's no bad thing. Oak-aged, you see, and so in a posher labelled bottle and has stood some long storage beneath the stairs.

It's not my usual fayre and relatively hard to find in supermarkets from what I can gather but it is a more mainstream ale than some of the ones I have been having and so I feel an affinity for it. Would you like to know more?

Effra Ale

This was picked up at my local bottle shop too, this will become something of a theme methinks, and had to be bought because I saw it and instantly thought of the Peter Grant series by Ben Aaronovitch. Because, you see, it's Effra Ale and one of the Rivers of London, being the title of the first book, is the Effra, which is why the ale is called Effra Ale too by the bye. Basically, it's an in-joke that only I get and so I bought the ale. Sometimes I'm not very funny. It's by Brixton Brewery which is in Brixton, a place I only know because of the Brixton Riots. Which also shows my lack of knowledge. Anyway, all that aside, I thought it time to have and review it.

I was pairing it with my middle-class salmon dish for tea because I am so achingly middle-class and I thought I was going to try and be clever with my food matching. Would you like to know more?

Very Bad Elf

The time has come for me to end my voyage of discovery having proper ales in quick succession. It has changed the way I view ales, it really has, having so many qualitative brews so close to one another. It's... offered another perspective and made me think that maybe I should focus on having decent ales in the year ahead somehow. That's not to say I shan't still have the occasional ales of randomness, that's half the fun, but I shall be seeking more difficult to acquire ales.

In honour of the occasion, I shall be having the final Christmas ale: Very Bad Elf from Ridgeway. A suitably old sounding brewery name for this auspicious moment.

Yes, I am photographing it with all the work I've marked. Why not? Would you like to know more?

Bob Sleigh

Hoppy New Beer!

In the absence of a proper New Year post this year (and last) may I extend to all of you who read this good wishes for the year ahead and the hope that you will find opportunities to stand for what you believe in, grasp the experiences on offer and be blessed in the year ahead. Also, ales, I hope that you all have access to some decent ales and get to try many of them. Speaking of which, I'm cooking my own tea of awful battered chicken bits and chips (because I am so healthy) and having some Bob Sleigh by Bishop Nick. It's a limited edition ale from my Christmas present because the twelve days of Christmas aren't over yet and nor am I finished with the ales. That's just how it goes.

Foggy day with a quick trip to the park with our friends and their little one, punctuated by the acquisition of an engineering toy aimed at girls first and foremost that has prompted our daughter to declaim that she wants to be an engineer when she grows up. I'd say job's a good'un. Anyway, you don't come here for updates on my family or New Year wishes, so let's get on to the ale itself. Would you like to know more?

Red-Nosed Reinbeer

Onward! Now that we have finished the season 6 boxset of Game of Thrones (that didn't take long) we are moving onto other films such as the Harry Potter franchise. No, I haven't ever seen them in the cinema - well, okay, I went to see the first one and was so underwhelmed that I didn't go back. I saw the second one on a video whilst training as a teacher and have only just seen the third this holiday (and I did spend rather a lot of time playing on my phone).

I digress, the purpose of this post is to continue the trend of drinking all my Christmas ales in the yuletide season so that I'm not still reviewing Christmas ale deep into March. Also, I may be enjoying the novelty of having so many ales so close together. I know, but for me this is a thing. Anyway, the ale of choice this time, before a blazing fire and with the Christmas tree still looming in the corner despite the twinkling lights, is Cotleigh Brewery's Red-Nosed Reinbeer and I am rather looking forward to it.

Will the ale be like the nefarious artificial tree, all happy looking and slightly garish but still evil lurking beneath like some atavism of the year? Or will it be more benign like the personalised number-plate I saw today: "B9 DAD"? You be the judge! Well, okay, no, I'll be the judge. Would you like to know more?

Mary Christmas

Time is running out for the directly Christmas named ales in the lovely Christmas present and a morning spent a local country park walking in the frost tinged air with cloudy breath catching the dying embers of the sun at 2pm is enough to work up the kind of thirst only an ale can really slake. Therefore, and without any consultation, I turn to Mary Christmas from Ilkley Brewery as a reminder of where I used to live and an attempt to scratch that rather beery itch. It does not bode well for going back to work (what does?).

The bottle claims that this is a spiced amber ale and that it is Christmas in a bottle. I don't know about that and I am pondering accompanying the brew with a packet of tortilla chips I picked up on offer for cheap (my parsimony knows no bounds). Nevertheless, this ought to be an interesting one and we have a fire on to combat the slight chill. Would you like to know more?

Duffield Amber

There's a new pub in a village and it does bottled ales. It's too far for me to drink there, I'd have to drive home, and so bottled ales seem the way to go. It's in Duffield. It seemed fitting, therefore, to purchase a Duffield Amber to have of an evening. the photograph below shows what happens when you accidentally knock the bottle over before pouring - you get a massive head. Whoops. This is from Tollgate Brewery and I have a stout of theirs on standby.

Relatively little to say in preamble to this but where have all the stouts gone? Ah well, would you like to know more?

Pumpkin King

I said I wasn't disappointed with Pendle Witches Brew yesterday and, well, maybe I wasn't. It is still a great brew and I still like it, nothing has changed there. But it wasn't the brew I was hoping for when I cracked it open and I was hoping to have something a wee bit special with which to end the half term break. To that end I purchased Pumpkin King by brewdog mostly on a whim on Saturday and intended to keep it from prying eyes, having it either that day or the Sunday when round at friends or afterwards. Alas, it was not to be, one thing and another and the hint of stress about going back to work all conspired to prevent my drinking of it.

Now, now the first day back has happened. The world did not explode. My marking is mostly on track, my lessons mostly made (and what isn't will be soon) and so there's an element of peace. Add to that the fact that a comedy of errors at the end of the day bring me home, with a relatively quiet house and no actual work begging for my attention. It's time to drink some ale!

Would you like to know more?

Pumpking

It's coming up to Hallowe'en and so here is the second ale that I am trying that is themed for the time of the year. Also, as a pumpkin ale, it gets to take part in that huge argument and controversy online about pumpkin ales. Coming, as I do, from the UK I really don't see many pumpkins (more now than when I was young) and so I don't see many ales that are pumpkin themed either. Alas, I have not yet seen the brewdog offering but I have picked up a Wychwood Pumpking that claims that it is evil pumpkin ale. I have, actually, had this three times before in a forlorn attempt to review it around this time last year but I never got round to it.

Truth be told, I actually like this ale. But it never hurts to offer a proper review of it around the right time of year and so I present to you the review at the right time of year for Pumpking. Would you like to know more?

A Weekend of Ales

This week is the time I can make it official - we are getting another addition to the family in the form of a small human some time in April. Scan at the beginning of the week confirmed that it was not a Velociraptor (which is a shame if you ask me) and that it had the normal expected complement of limbs and features for a 12 week old foetus. Announcement of this garnered ales from my colleague and friend at work who shall remain nameless but awesome and thus I had some Yorkshire love in the form of light and frothy beer. Add in a swift trip to my favourite local (the Burnt Pig, you can find many references to them by clicking here) and you have the makings of a good weekend with much ale, why not? I even have an excuse.

As usual, there is still time to bail out, and much of this entry consists of re-reviews rather than new ales, so there's a dash of Midlands and the South thrown in for good measure. Would you like to know more?

Beer Review: Tunnel Vision

There comes a time in every man's life when, owning his own lawnmower, he finds that he must cut the grass a second time in a season. For me, that time was today and I can't say it was anywhere near as tiring and complicated as the first time. For a start I did it almost in a single load and for a second the mower didn't need a clean when I was done. Colour me surprised! Still, after that and some heavy lifting (including taking an old TV unit down to the tip) I felt like the weather deserved an ale with tea, because it was 24 degrees centigrade and very sunny. Of course I had been chilling my bottle of Tunnel Vision by Box Steam Brewery for the best part of a week now having simply not getting round to it and so this was the perfect time to have it. So I did.

Look at that lovely fence colour! All the handiwork of my Good Lady Wife from last year. I may have already shown it in other photos, who knows, so would you like to know more?

Beer Review: Gardener's Tipple

The plan was to have an ale in the garden in anticipation of doing some actual gardening afterward. I would take the children to the park, they would have a good time, then we would return, I'd unpack the mower and they would play in the garden for a bit whilst I did the lawn. So it made sense to have an ale that was, by its very definition, something to have with the gardening. However, such are the plans of mice and men that I totally failed to make these ideas a reality. We went to the park after I'd had a Gardener's Tipple from Hog's Back Brewery and it was there that my smallest decided to run into a wooden beam with his head and split it open. His head, not the beam.

After that it was a trip to our local minor injuries unit, where they checked him out and declared that he needed to go to the bigger hospital down the road on account of having a cut down to his skull. There we duly went, to find that all was fine (but I was glad they checked him out) and then glued him back up. We returned later that evening and I lost about two hours doing odd-jobs so that I had to nip out for tea at 9pm, too late for any gardening. Still, I did have the ale and I did review the ale, so that review now follows.

Would you like to know more?

Exploring

It has been a while since I went around pubbing and Willow had said that I ought to go to my local, so it seemed like as good a time as any. The observant will have noted, however, that my usual notation for just heading down the Burnt Pig Ale 'Ouse is missing: that is because I didn't stay put. A hot day, a warm night in the offing and the feeling that I wanted to be moving all contributed to me not sitting still. That and the fact that the Burnt Pig continues to attract large crowds of friendly people (and I am not very good at being alone in friendly crowds) - no criticism of the place, but it did mean that I got to see some parts of where I live that I have not seen before and have, well, a bit of an explore of an evening.

Also, there was the small matter of the lovely sunset-thing that I saw and think I even managed to capture on my new phone camera. There's a function that messes with the brightness that allows me to take some shots I would simply have been unable to capture in the past.

Now that I have thoroughly bored all five of my readers, would you like to know more about the important parts of my trip: the beers?

Beer Review: A Second Brace of Brews

Still on holiday and still having a relax, of course the evening was dominated by beer and reading Rivers of London, which isn't half bad. Tonight's efforts brought forth a second gift from a good friend and colleague of mine, given as he is leaving our hallowed halls to take up the mantle of leadership elsewhere. He shall be missed but hopefully not too much, I am planning a beery trip sometime over or after the summer down his neck of the woods.

In the meantime, it has been a lovely day and plenty going on here. The lodge is quiet, the children are mostly asleep and the limbs are limber from riding cycles. Thus it is that I propose to have a couple and then off to bed for a trip home in the morning, it's a long drive, but we don't need too early a start. We still have flies buzzing about, not too many but enough to be annoying. Anyway, yes, I have a Joseph Holt Maplemoon and Robinson's Unicorn Black on hand and I'm not afraid to use them.

Would you like to know more?

Beer Review: Little Willie

And so an ale that commemorates the Somme. I knew it was going to happen, a 100th year anniversary of a conflict long gone that totally transformed British psyche and society. I knew that it would be all over the press and there would be a plethora of talking heads discussing the disaster of the first day, the role of the generals and the politicians and the countries. Then came the Referendum and the result and I had a int of what people would focus upon. They would talk about what the people who fought in that day fought for, they would suggest various reasons with absolutely no backing and, of course, with no surviving people to challenge. Cherry-picked quotes, starting that morning with an item I heard on the radio, would suggest blazing patriotism and love of freedom, a narrative that the army was something to be proud of and an underlying assumption that people then fought for freedom.

I am a student of History. I am a researcher of the First World War. I have read the accounts of many many soldiers who were interviewed, left diaries and sent letters. I have never met one, of course, but who has? Also, I know many did not talk of their experiences. But of their reasons for fighting, of their reasons to be there on that awful fateful day they have spoken. And do you know what? None spoke of freedom, that's amorphous and intangible and impossible. Few spoke of patriotism, that too was beyond the ken of most of the men who huddled in the trenches then went over at the whistle. No, it turns out the main reasons were things like Peer Pressure; propaganda (that they later regretted) and poverty. Their friends were going, they didn't want to be seen as cowards and the wages would put food on the table for their families that wouldn't be there otherwise.

It will come as no surprise to you, dear reader, that I despise the kindling eye of the smug-faced crowd that has returned with a vengeance. To that end I bought an ale, because why not.

Today's review is all about Little Willie. It is named after the first tank that was built and sold in Lincoln as that was the site of one of the first factories to churn out these armoured beasts so that they could take place in the battle of the Somme, doing so finally in November at Flers-Courcellette.

My historical rant is over, would you like to speak of ale?

Beer Review: Golden Bolt

Still in the beer festival, though it has now ceased, and a lovely sunny evening. Warm day, busy day, but pleasant for the most part. I decided that I may as well have an ale, well, no, actually Willow decided that she would have a cider with the work she was doing and I thought "hey, I could have an ale with the work I shall be doing" and lo, I am having an ale. Tonight's summer-like addition to the tasting annals is Golden Bolt by Box Steam Brewery. And a very nice bottle it is too.

Children bouncing on the trampoline and screaming hysterically with joy, small stuffed animals from Conkers festooning the sofa and a gentle breeze to take the sting out of the heat of the day (leaving the car like an oven by the by), would you like to know more?

Beer Review: Double Dragon

The fifth of the Aldi ales (and the second of those bought for me for Father's Day)! My daughter has a thing for dragons, it would appear, and liked the idea of pairing this with the Unicorn on Sunday (see here).

This one is from the oldest brewery in Wales that is still active, since 1878. Okay, that means that the ale isn't the oldest recipe I've tried, not by a long chalk, but it's still pretty venerable and I'm not going to complain about Wales and their breweries because Wales have dragons and if Game of Thrones has taught me anything it's that one shouldn't try to spice up exposition by showing semi-clad and nude women in the sh- no, wait, I mean: that dragons are to be respected and make terrible pets. And Wales has dragons. Two of them are on this bottle. Because it's Double Dragon by Felinfoel who are just outside of Llanelli. Alas, not near Pwllheli.

Hoffech chi wybod mwy?

Beer Review: Wizard

It's the third ale in the beer festival haul from Aldi, but not my last. I shall get through them as quickly as I can but I shall also endeavour to enjoy them as they were intended to be supped rather than thrown down, like a barricade. Bonus points if you have any idea what I'm semi-quoting. For the rest of you, relish the thought that you are sane and immune to such jumps. I haven't looked up the legend but it deserves thanks: the legend of the wizard of Alderley Edge - the thanks because it has inspired the brewing of tonight's amber ale: Wizard from Robinson's who have given much enjoyment recently.

Add to that a hearty day's toil and a bad back from carrying one of my children recently (and utilising the shoulders, ah, I'm getting too old for this) and you have an evening that is made for enjoying a nice ale and a nice ale that was made for an evening of enjoying it.

Ouch, that is one over-exposed photo, my camera phone sucks. Would you like to know more?

Beer Review: Distiller's Cask Range

Ever since its appearance when drinking with a friend of mine over by the Major Oak (see this review) I have been hankering after this one. It had been produced with much fanfare by my drinking colleague as being acquired at the brewery itself as a limited edition. We both agreed on the evening that it was a good ale and worth having again, and I have been on the look out for it ever since. Imagine my surprise and happiness, then, when I found it on offer at 80p a pop!

I know, I couldn't quite believe it either! I bought eight. Drank them all. Bought a nice round dozen and then distributed some to my work colleagues and then realised that I hadn't actually got round to reviewing it on its own yet. Well, far be it from me to do such a thing! Thus we move onto this evening's entertainment: Distiller's Cask Range from Theakston's. And a lovely brew it is too.

And, yes, that is the glass I acquired from my first beer festival earlier in the year, yes. I do rather like it, almost fits the full 330ml in a single glass without looking too silly. Would you like to know more?